Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
