you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize