bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
