He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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