He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
