your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize