Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
