so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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