I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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