imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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