and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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