i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
