so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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