i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
