party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
