unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
