you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
