You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
