Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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