I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
