The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
