At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
