I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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