yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize