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On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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