...so i touched it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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