I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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