I got chris browned last night
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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