he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
