and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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