he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
