bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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