Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
