The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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