And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
