their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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