grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
