I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize