It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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