What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
