You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
