I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize