not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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