Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
