Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
