Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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