based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
