so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's Friday. Sex?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
