just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize