When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize