U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like abortions should bother me more
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize