Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
