We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
