Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
