i don't like sucking hair
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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