I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
