Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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