I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
