My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
that may or may not have been my penis.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize