it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
