My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
