that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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