dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
