We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
