i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
