I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
