R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
