she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
