I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
