Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
