Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
