TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
and you fell through a lawn chair
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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